Friday, 11 July 2014

Bragging with Gratitude

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Here's the honest truth - my life has been awesome lately. Alright? Alright.

I hesitate to admit this because I don't like bragging, especially so blatantly. But I need to get the heck over that because life is short and practicing gratitude is so important.

So let the bragging gratitude begin!

My life has had ups and downs like every single other person on this planet. However, the past two years have been the oh so cliche "who am I?" And more frequently: "what the fuck am I doing?" and "what the fuck am I going to do?" I've experienced anxiety, sickness, doubt, disappointment, and just a plain ole case of the mean reds that went on for far too long.

I've always put pressure on myself. I remember my first spelling test in first grade. Now I went through private schooling for two years prior, loved to read (s/o to Junie B. Jones), and went into the first grade reading and writing (which if you're not keen on childhood markers - I was (am?) impressive). This spelling test was in a public school (not to downplay public education - I've loved my public school education), and this test was most definitely within my grasp. Nevertheless I made my parents help me study. Jump to other points in my academic career and I can give you other anecdotes displaying the pressure I've put on myself. And yes, this pressure  resulted in anxiety and thus physical sickness and a few trips to the hospital, doctors, and some tests in my first year of University.
This summer I applied that same pressure to get a real job (aka not a restaurant or customer service based job). However my initial efforts were sorrily unfruitful and I ended up with two of those unwanted jobs in the interim, cue more sadness and "what the fuck am I doing?" (Customer service is an extremely respectable - and fun- profession, I've just done it for too long now and I know it's just not for me, I can't commit enough to it). 

Then I got a REAL job. It was an 8 week contract at a feminist organization (#coolpoints), in which I tweeted, read cool articles, AND made friends with some pretty cool chicas. Then out of the blue my friend was able to hook me up with an amazing job, which is set to start right after this one ends! Even better? It's at the Library and Archives of Canada and I'll be working on a First World War project! History! An insane pay rate! Relative to my studies! An impressive resume additive! Ahhhh! 

So yeah that's all pretty awesome and stopped the "what the fuck am I doing?" and also the "what the fuck am I going to do?" But then something else totally amazing happened. I got into an amazing school in a city I've fallen in love with!! And extra bonus that I say with pride as it is unrelated as to why I applied - I'm a quick and cheap bus ride away from my boyfriend ♥ It's still not 100% if I'm going because they're assessing my credits for transfer and if they don't give me a substantial amount I won't go (I will not undervalue the hard work, stress, and money I put into previous courses). I've got a good plan for each option no matter the outcome of the transfer assessment that both lead me to my bigger goal, and either way - I'm so immensely proud of myself for getting in. 

It's so hard to believe there's better days to come and that in the end it'll be okay when you're feeling so low. I know there will be days, weeks, whatever, when I'm feeling low, it's inevitable, so I'm going to proudly enjoy my life right now. It deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated, and I ain't too proud to say it!

Trust life a little bit!
-Em x